Putting the effort in

If you want a girl to find you attractive you have to put some effort in. I don’t mean change your image as I always think you should be yourself and not change to what you think the girl may like. Also if you change your image the girl will eventually work out that you are a fake so long term it won’t work out.

Girls are always putting effort in to their appearance regardless of whether they are trying to attract someone or not and I think that boys need to adopt this attitude as well. You never know when you might meet the one so you should always be looking your best.

I’m not saying you have to go extreme but just take some time considering what you are going to wear don’t just throw any old thing on. Find out what styles and colours work for you. Basics make sure your clothes are washed and ironed if needed.

Do something with your hair, style it or try another haircut. Make sure you are smelling good, try a face moisturiser. Yes all of this is a lot of effort but these things could make all the difference. Its a dog eat dog world out there and appearances do mean a lot so make sure you make one that counts.

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The more I see the less I like

Sometimes you can love someone from afar but then when you get to spend time with them your feelings change for them. Their beauty doesn’t change and you are still attracted to them but by spending time in each others company you start to think that it wouldn’t work and in turn your feelings change.

This can be a good or bad thing depending on how you look at it. You may think well I am glad I got to know them first before asking them out and that you have saved yourself from getting in a relationship with someone you don’t actually like in that way but on the other hand you may think to yourself that you should have asked her out before you got to know so at least you would have gone out with them.

If the girl doesn’t know you are interested in them and you create a situation where you are around each other a lot like a work colleague, classmate etc. you can find out what the person is like. Sometimes this takes time but the more the person becomes at ease with you the more you will find out about them. Also if you spend enough time with them you will find the true person as if they are putting on a façade they can’t keep that up all the time.

In this process sometimes you will realise you aren’t in love with the person any more or it may just happen organically without you realising. Remember just because you are attracted physically to someone it doesn’t always mean you will be attracted to their personality.

Giving up can sometimes work

Now it is not always the way to win a girls heart but it can sometimes work. Sometimes if you are trying too hard to impress it may put a girl off but if you were just being yourself and not trying to win them over they may start to like you.

If a girl knows you are trying to impress them it may scare them off before they get to know the real you. When a girl knows this it can make conversation between you awkward and limit the chances you have of winning their heart.

As likeable person you will sometimes come off better if you aren’t actually trying at all. This will make you more natural and less intimidating to the girl you have been trying to chat up.

If you have been trying hard to win a girl over for sometime and then you stop the girl may miss this attention and realise that they do want to be with you. If they weren’t aware that you were trying to chat them up and then you stop they then may realise what you were trying to do and work out that you like them.

If all else fails this is always worth a shot, what have you got to lose. It’s the no effort solution which can sometimes hit gold.

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Competition

It’s always the most annoying feeling when you like this beautiful girl but then you notice you have competition. If the girl is good looking there are always going to be other people that want to go her regardless of whether you can easily spot that or not. Some of your competition will be blatantly obvious to see but some won’t.

If you have competition you need to step your game up. You need to make sure they choose you and not the other person. However you need to be careful how you do this as if the girl you like doesn’t like competitive guys and she sees you competing with another guy she may choose neither of you.

The one thing you need to do is not let this make you go in to your shell. With some people if they like a girl but see competition will back away in the fear of losing out. They will start thinking they have no chance and that the girl is more likely to choose the other guy. If you want the girl you have to be brave and not look at how good the competition is but look at how good you are, what your selling points are and what makes you different.

Make sure you don’t get paranoid about competition. Some guys may talk to the girl you like but just be friends and have no interest in the girl so be careful not to treat every other man as competition. A lot of the time boys talking to girls can mean they really like them but on the flipside there are many occasions where they just ant to be friends.

Make sure that competition that brings out the best in you and not the worst. Just concentrate on yourself and your relationship with the girl. Remember competition is a good thing as it proves that the girl you like is an attractive girl and that she is worth fighting for.

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Making Excuses

When you realise you really like someone you will make up any excuse to go and see them, spend time with them or to just be in the same place that they are. Instead of just bumping in to them in the course of the week you are now actively trying to construe reasons to have to go and speak to them or spend time with them. If you are in school or wok with the person you like you will in your average day cross paths but if you like them you can’t leave anything to chance and you want to spend more time with them than you normally would in the day.

The problem comes when you start running out of reasons or your reasons start to become more far fetched as it may let your secret out of the bag as the other person may twig that you like them or will just start thinking it is weird or start asking you questions about it. It becomes really obvious in an office place when you have been working with this person for sometime but then realise you like them and then start spending more time with them so people can see a clear behavioural change.

Saying all this you may want the person you like to realise you are spending more time with them because you like them and if this is your plan then doing this is a good idea. If however you want to be a bit more discreet you have to play it cool and not go over to see them as much.

In my own personal experience I think you need a happy medium. If you hide away in your room all day then the person you like will never get the chance to get to know you or go out with you so to win the lottery you have to buy a ticket and get yourself in the game. By this I mean making sure they know who you are and know what you are like but whatever you do don’t over do it as if you do you may come across as a freak or a bit of a stalker which no girl or boy likes.


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Out of the Blue

What do you do when you get a text out of the blue from an old girlfriend? What does it mean? What do they want? All these questions were running through my head today when it happened.

Since the break up I have not seen or heard from her and that was two years ago. It was one of those how are you? Text messages. Now if I don’t reply it’s a bit mean but if I do reply it may get her hopes up that I might want to go back out with her when I really don’t. Is she still single? If I tell her I’m single will she start coming on to me.

The reason I ended it in the first place was because she was more in to me than I was of her and I always find those relationships unfair. It is too easy to lead someone on or take advantage of the situation if the other person is more in to you than you are of them but it will only end in heartbreak for the other person. If in a relationship one person is more to the other person then its not going to work, a relationship has to be about mutual feelings.

If I met her again I don’t think I would suddenly fall more in love with her than I did the first time and I wouldn’t want to get her hopes up as that would be cruel. Now I know that I am single and desperately looking for love but that doesn’t mean I am going to settle for a girl or a relationship where I know I’m just settling and not really experiencing love to the full.

So although it is very mean I think the best thing in the long run for both of us is to not text back. Even if she thinks bad of me for not texting back or if her only motive was to be friends, I don’t to run the risk.

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Date Venues

It’s not like I am in a stage at the moment with the girl I like to ask her out on a date but when I do pluck up the courage where do I suggest we go and what do I suggest we do.

The first approach is the casual approach. Inviting her out for coffee would fit in to this category or inviting her for a drink at the local pub. Nobody has to spend much money, it’s sociable and you can stay as long as you like. The problem is if you use the casual approach the girl may think I am boring or not that interested in her as I didn’t push the boat out.

The next approach is the formal approach. Nothing says you love a girl like taking them for a meal in a flash restaurant or a picnic in a nice location. The problem with this approach as the girl may think it is a bit too much too soon. Add to this it is hard to make conversation and eat at the same time.

Then you have the activity date. This is where you think of something you can both go and do. This is good for showing your spontaneous and adventurous side. However this is fraught with problems as if you pick an activity that she doesn’t like or if you pick an activity which gives little time for talking to each other then it might not go down well.

The first date sets the tone for a relationship so you have to get it right, do you play safe or do you take a risk. My advice would be to do your research, find out what she likes and doesn’t like but then be prepared to take a risk as that is what love is all about.

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