Competition

It’s always the most annoying feeling when you like this beautiful girl but then you notice you have competition. If the girl is good looking there are always going to be other people that want to go her regardless of whether you can easily spot that or not. Some of your competition will be blatantly obvious to see but some won’t.

If you have competition you need to step your game up. You need to make sure they choose you and not the other person. However you need to be careful how you do this as if the girl you like doesn’t like competitive guys and she sees you competing with another guy she may choose neither of you.

The one thing you need to do is not let this make you go in to your shell. With some people if they like a girl but see competition will back away in the fear of losing out. They will start thinking they have no chance and that the girl is more likely to choose the other guy. If you want the girl you have to be brave and not look at how good the competition is but look at how good you are, what your selling points are and what makes you different.

Make sure you don’t get paranoid about competition. Some guys may talk to the girl you like but just be friends and have no interest in the girl so be careful not to treat every other man as competition. A lot of the time boys talking to girls can mean they really like them but on the flipside there are many occasions where they just ant to be friends.

Make sure that competition that brings out the best in you and not the worst. Just concentrate on yourself and your relationship with the girl. Remember competition is a good thing as it proves that the girl you like is an attractive girl and that she is worth fighting for.

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Out of the Blue

What do you do when you get a text out of the blue from an old girlfriend? What does it mean? What do they want? All these questions were running through my head today when it happened.

Since the break up I have not seen or heard from her and that was two years ago. It was one of those how are you? Text messages. Now if I don’t reply it’s a bit mean but if I do reply it may get her hopes up that I might want to go back out with her when I really don’t. Is she still single? If I tell her I’m single will she start coming on to me.

The reason I ended it in the first place was because she was more in to me than I was of her and I always find those relationships unfair. It is too easy to lead someone on or take advantage of the situation if the other person is more in to you than you are of them but it will only end in heartbreak for the other person. If in a relationship one person is more to the other person then its not going to work, a relationship has to be about mutual feelings.

If I met her again I don’t think I would suddenly fall more in love with her than I did the first time and I wouldn’t want to get her hopes up as that would be cruel. Now I know that I am single and desperately looking for love but that doesn’t mean I am going to settle for a girl or a relationship where I know I’m just settling and not really experiencing love to the full.

So although it is very mean I think the best thing in the long run for both of us is to not text back. Even if she thinks bad of me for not texting back or if her only motive was to be friends, I don’t to run the risk.

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Telling your friends

When you love someone you sometimes have the compulsion to tell your friends or you will be the opposite and not want to tell a soul. Doing either can be good or bad for different reasons.

If you tell a friend they are going to give you all kinds of advice and make all sorts of comments. The friend could make you believe that the person loves you when they may not or they might convince that they don’t love you when they do. When you are speaking to a friend you are inclined to believe what they say so if what they are saying isn’t true it can really mess with your head.

When you are in love with someone it is good to get an outsiders opinion as when you are in love someone you don’t always think clearly. So telling no one is not always the best way forward especially if you are in need of advice or are going about things in the wrong way.

If you do ask for advice take it on board but think before you do anything about the advice. Try not to tell too many people or you will be even more confused and conflicted as different people may try to give you completely different advice.

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Trying not to be too obvious

One of the biggest problems I find when I am attracted to somebody is trying not to be too obvious. If you want someone to go out with you, you have to show them at you are interested but it is a fine line between that and being too obvious which can make a girl run a million miles.

If you want a relationship with someone you need to do the ground work and build their trust as a friend first which you won’t be able to do if you come across as too obviously in love with them.

The other problem comes is if you are trying to build a relationship with someone at school or at work then the people around you like your friends will be able to spot it and may start teasing you about it or making things very difficult. Trying to chat a girl up is hard enough without your friends making things harder. The other problem comes is when people tell the girl you are interested in that you love them then it may destroy that friendship you have been building.

Like I said earlier though it’s a fine line as if you don’t show the girl you are interested in them then you may spend ages before asking them out or the girl may think that you just wan to be friends.

The worst case scenario is when the girl finds out you are interested in them but they aren’t interested in you and it’s either a work colleague or a schoolmate. As after this has happened you may try to avoid them at all costs, the relationship between you may get weird or you had to do a bit of self preservation and just laugh it off saying that you weren’t in to them and that people were just making it up which will hurt on the inside.

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Love has strange timing

I have noticed in my life that I have found love or fallen in love with someone at times where I wasn’t looking for it, wasn’t ready for it or at times where it should have been the last thing on my mind. That’s the thing with love it rarely comes at the perfect time for you.

Sometimes I feel like the kid off the Love Actually film. Where he is in such a sad place in his life but falls in love with the new girl at school. He knows he is sad and should be sad for the situation around him but can’t help but be infatuated with the girl at school. Regardless of how dark or sad your life may be you can’t control how your heart feels. If you do fall in love with someone whilst you are in this situation you shouldn’t feel bad about it and try and push the feelings away, you should embrace those feelings. Falling in love isn’t a bad thing and you can still be upset and feel for a sad situation around you whilst also being in love with someone, it doesn’t make you a bad person.

Never consume your life with waiting for or searching for love but always be ready for it when it comes. Just because things may be bad in life don’t make yourself unavailable or close yourself off from others who may love you or people that you love. Sometimes the best relationships and the best partners come along when you least expect it.

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What Your Other Half Should Be

After my last post about settling I thought I would post about what you should see in your other half and what life with them should be like.

If you have truly found the one I believe this is how you should feel:

When you pick up your phone to see it is them calling you should have butterflies.

When you are walking down the street holding their hand you should feel like you are walking on air.

Every time you see them you should feel like you did the first time you laid eyes on them.

You should have to pinch yourself everyday just to believe that you get to share your life with that person.

If you don’t feel these things then it isn’t worth it to me. Love is something that should be enjoyed to its maximum, it is not worth investing the emotional energy in love if it doesn’t make you feel like this. Everyone deserves to and should experience in this in a relationship. If you feel these ways about your partner and they feel they same about you, you should have the most amazing relationship.

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Settling

Why is that so many people just settle in love?

I see so many of my friends and people around me just settling for their other half because they want to be in a relationship, they don’t want to be alone, or just because they are too lazy to go out and see what there is around. Some people I know are going out with their other half just because their other half asked them out and because they couldn’t say no or just loved the fact that someone asked them out without loving the person that was asking.

A key thing to remember is if someone asks you out you can always say no. Although it may hurt the persons feelings that person that is asking you deserves to be in a relationship with someone who loves them wholeheartedly so by saying yes you are only hurting them in the long term. Never confuse the feeling of happiness of someone finding you attractive with loving the person that finds you attractive.

Some people find someone to go out with just because that’s what all their friends are doing and don’t want to be the only one without a partner. This is when it’s a case of anyone will do just so you are not the odd one out as in your head going out with someone you aren’t in love with seems better than being the odd one out.

The problem comes when you have settled for your other half and its now five years down the line and you have got married and/or had kids and you realise this is the rest of your life now. Even if you don’t do the marriage or kids thing the longer you get in to the relationship the more depressed with it you can get. You get to a point when you are not even making an effort with your relationship anymore as you don’t care for it which is not fair on you or your partner.

The older people get the more worried they get about growing old alone so the more likely they are just to settle for someone, anyone, just so they don’t have to be alone and they don’t feel they can be picky as the clock is ticking and another opportunity may not come their way.

The key thing to remember is the most amazing girl in the world very rarely just falls in to your life. If you want to be in love and with an amazing girl where you have to pinch yourself everyday to believe you are going out with them, you have to put in the hard work. You have to be proactive and get out there and never settle until you find her.

I think people settling is a big shame as in love it should never be a case of settling. You should be with your partner because you love them and be besotted by them everyday.

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The Cruellest Things in Love

In love you can’t help who your heart falls in love with. You know when you first see that girl in the hallway at school, on the bus to work or that new girl who has just started working in your office. You don’t know them, you don’t know their name you haven’t even said hi, you don’t even know if they have noticed you but still unexplainably you love them. It’s like there is no other female in the world and it’s her you want to be with and nobody else. Your mind starts working at a million miles an hour picturing what you would be like together and before you even know it you are thinking about kids and marriage in your head.

The cruel fact of life however is that you can’t make that person love you back. How much you love this person makes no difference, regardless if you love them a bit or a lot it won’t make them love you back. If they don’t love you back you can’t then just turn off your feelings for them and your wasted heart will keep loving them. You can keep trying to work on them and see if one day they will love you but this can be a battle that you won’t win or if you do get them to start a relationship with you it may not be because they love you like you love them.

If only life were that simple that whoever you fell in love with would love you back. In films and stories the media try and convince you that an ordinary person can win the love of the most amazingly beautiful person in the world but unfortunately real life isn’t always like that. Sometimes you can eventually move on over time and get the person you love out of your head but this can be a long road and for some they may never be able to do it.

The big problem comes when you convince yourself that the person you have your heart on does love you or could love you when that person has done nothing to suggest that. When you read too much in to things that they have done or said. There are some cruel people who if they know that they love you will string you along and make you believe that they love you but luckily in life these are the minority.

The key thing to remember is to not rush in to things and let your mind get away from you which is easier said than done I know but if you can it will save you some pain and heartache later. Although at the moment it may feel like this person was the only one, somewhere down the line there will be others.

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