The more I see the less I like

Sometimes you can love someone from afar but then when you get to spend time with them your feelings change for them. Their beauty doesn’t change and you are still attracted to them but by spending time in each others company you start to think that it wouldn’t work and in turn your feelings change.

This can be a good or bad thing depending on how you look at it. You may think well I am glad I got to know them first before asking them out and that you have saved yourself from getting in a relationship with someone you don’t actually like in that way but on the other hand you may think to yourself that you should have asked her out before you got to know so at least you would have gone out with them.

If the girl doesn’t know you are interested in them and you create a situation where you are around each other a lot like a work colleague, classmate etc. you can find out what the person is like. Sometimes this takes time but the more the person becomes at ease with you the more you will find out about them. Also if you spend enough time with them you will find the true person as if they are putting on a façade they can’t keep that up all the time.

In this process sometimes you will realise you aren’t in love with the person any more or it may just happen organically without you realising. Remember just because you are attracted physically to someone it doesn’t always mean you will be attracted to their personality.

Giving up can sometimes work

Now it is not always the way to win a girls heart but it can sometimes work. Sometimes if you are trying too hard to impress it may put a girl off but if you were just being yourself and not trying to win them over they may start to like you.

If a girl knows you are trying to impress them it may scare them off before they get to know the real you. When a girl knows this it can make conversation between you awkward and limit the chances you have of winning their heart.

As likeable person you will sometimes come off better if you aren’t actually trying at all. This will make you more natural and less intimidating to the girl you have been trying to chat up.

If you have been trying hard to win a girl over for sometime and then you stop the girl may miss this attention and realise that they do want to be with you. If they weren’t aware that you were trying to chat them up and then you stop they then may realise what you were trying to do and work out that you like them.

If all else fails this is always worth a shot, what have you got to lose. It’s the no effort solution which can sometimes hit gold.

Online Dating

Competition

It’s always the most annoying feeling when you like this beautiful girl but then you notice you have competition. If the girl is good looking there are always going to be other people that want to go her regardless of whether you can easily spot that or not. Some of your competition will be blatantly obvious to see but some won’t.

If you have competition you need to step your game up. You need to make sure they choose you and not the other person. However you need to be careful how you do this as if the girl you like doesn’t like competitive guys and she sees you competing with another guy she may choose neither of you.

The one thing you need to do is not let this make you go in to your shell. With some people if they like a girl but see competition will back away in the fear of losing out. They will start thinking they have no chance and that the girl is more likely to choose the other guy. If you want the girl you have to be brave and not look at how good the competition is but look at how good you are, what your selling points are and what makes you different.

Make sure you don’t get paranoid about competition. Some guys may talk to the girl you like but just be friends and have no interest in the girl so be careful not to treat every other man as competition. A lot of the time boys talking to girls can mean they really like them but on the flipside there are many occasions where they just ant to be friends.

Make sure that competition that brings out the best in you and not the worst. Just concentrate on yourself and your relationship with the girl. Remember competition is a good thing as it proves that the girl you like is an attractive girl and that she is worth fighting for.

Online Dating

Making Excuses

When you realise you really like someone you will make up any excuse to go and see them, spend time with them or to just be in the same place that they are. Instead of just bumping in to them in the course of the week you are now actively trying to construe reasons to have to go and speak to them or spend time with them. If you are in school or wok with the person you like you will in your average day cross paths but if you like them you can’t leave anything to chance and you want to spend more time with them than you normally would in the day.

The problem comes when you start running out of reasons or your reasons start to become more far fetched as it may let your secret out of the bag as the other person may twig that you like them or will just start thinking it is weird or start asking you questions about it. It becomes really obvious in an office place when you have been working with this person for sometime but then realise you like them and then start spending more time with them so people can see a clear behavioural change.

Saying all this you may want the person you like to realise you are spending more time with them because you like them and if this is your plan then doing this is a good idea. If however you want to be a bit more discreet you have to play it cool and not go over to see them as much.

In my own personal experience I think you need a happy medium. If you hide away in your room all day then the person you like will never get the chance to get to know you or go out with you so to win the lottery you have to buy a ticket and get yourself in the game. By this I mean making sure they know who you are and know what you are like but whatever you do don’t over do it as if you do you may come across as a freak or a bit of a stalker which no girl or boy likes.


Online Dating

Date Venues

It’s not like I am in a stage at the moment with the girl I like to ask her out on a date but when I do pluck up the courage where do I suggest we go and what do I suggest we do.

The first approach is the casual approach. Inviting her out for coffee would fit in to this category or inviting her for a drink at the local pub. Nobody has to spend much money, it’s sociable and you can stay as long as you like. The problem is if you use the casual approach the girl may think I am boring or not that interested in her as I didn’t push the boat out.

The next approach is the formal approach. Nothing says you love a girl like taking them for a meal in a flash restaurant or a picnic in a nice location. The problem with this approach as the girl may think it is a bit too much too soon. Add to this it is hard to make conversation and eat at the same time.

Then you have the activity date. This is where you think of something you can both go and do. This is good for showing your spontaneous and adventurous side. However this is fraught with problems as if you pick an activity that she doesn’t like or if you pick an activity which gives little time for talking to each other then it might not go down well.

The first date sets the tone for a relationship so you have to get it right, do you play safe or do you take a risk. My advice would be to do your research, find out what she likes and doesn’t like but then be prepared to take a risk as that is what love is all about.

Online Dating

Striking up Conversation

I always find this the hardest thing to do when I like a girl. If I don’t like a girl I could chat to them until the cows come home but as soon as I like them its like my brain switches off.

Normally the girls I like I would have no reason in my day to talk to them which makes things even harder. If you don’t normally speak to someone or appear to have no reason to speak to a certain person then striking up a conversation with them is going to be very awkward.

Its datings version of cold calling. You don’t know what their interests are, you don’t know what they do, you may not even know their name and they might not know yours. To add to this you will have built this moment up in your head for so long that you are over complicating things and making yourself nervous to the point that you have probably been trying for day to go up to talk to her but chickened out at last minute.

If you are a pro you would have done your research on the girl so you have something to talk to them about but you have to be careful as if you seem to know too much about them for no reason they may get freaked out.

Remember with striking up a conversation timing is everything. You want to make a good first impression so try and choose a time and situation where the person has time to talk to you as there is nothing worse than someone bothering you when you are busy or you are in a rush.

Just remember every conversation starts with one simple word - Hello. After that you are on your own I’m afraid but remember to be yourself and to try and grab their attention if you can do that you are on the right track.

Online Dating

The Friendship Zone

I have been in this zone so many times in my life and it is the worst place to be. This is when you really like a girl and have spent a lot of time getting to know her without making your intentions clear so she just views as a friend and would never consider anything more.

This is such a frustrating place to be because once you are in it, it is very hard to get out. The only reason you put the effort in was because you wanted to go out with them not because you wanted to be their friend. Once you are in this zone you are stuck as you don’t want to be seen as the bad guy and break off the friendship but being friends with them just make it even harder to deal with as you know you will never be going out with them.

I hate that soul destroying moment when you ask a girl out and they say they just want to be friends. Do they really want to be friends? Are they just saying that as a nice way of saying no?

So a word of warning if you are trying to win a girl over try and make your intentions clear without being obvious and don’t spend forever developing the friendship without asking the question. The longer you drag out the friendship building phase the more problems that can happen. If you do this the girl may think that you are not interested in them and do really just want to be friends or they may find someone else as you have taken so long getting your act together.

There may be some rare occasions where people have managed to successfully break the friendship zone and change somones mind but I think these are few and far between.


Online Dating

Having a Type

When you are trying to matchmake for a single friend a normal question that will come up is what is your type? Or if you are out with a bunch of other single guys the topic of conversation may come on to it. Myself personally I have never known how to answer this question.

I once tried to have a think to myself and work out if I did have a type and I couldn’t work it out as there are lots of different looks that like. I then wondered if anybody does truly have a type? I know some of my friends have been out with similar girls but I think having a type if you do have a type is so limiting.

My previous girlfriends have been a mixed batch of looks and personalities. I don’t think there is any one type of look or personality that I am drawn to. If you are only ever looking for one type of girl you are going to miss a lot of lovely people who could have been the one.

I now try not to think about types and just let my heart decide. Over the year my heart has picked out an eclectic mix of girls and if I had have had a type I wouldn’t have ever been blessed with the memories I have. I for one don’t want to ever miss the girl who could be the one.

Online Dating

Telling your friends

When you love someone you sometimes have the compulsion to tell your friends or you will be the opposite and not want to tell a soul. Doing either can be good or bad for different reasons.

If you tell a friend they are going to give you all kinds of advice and make all sorts of comments. The friend could make you believe that the person loves you when they may not or they might convince that they don’t love you when they do. When you are speaking to a friend you are inclined to believe what they say so if what they are saying isn’t true it can really mess with your head.

When you are in love with someone it is good to get an outsiders opinion as when you are in love someone you don’t always think clearly. So telling no one is not always the best way forward especially if you are in need of advice or are going about things in the wrong way.

If you do ask for advice take it on board but think before you do anything about the advice. Try not to tell too many people or you will be even more confused and conflicted as different people may try to give you completely different advice.

Online Dating

Giving off the Signals

I have blogged about reading the signals but to me right now what is important is giving off the signals. How do you show someone you are interested in them without having to spell out that you love them?

Just because you think you are being obvious in the ways that you are trying to give off the signals the other person may be oblivious to them. If you go the other way and you are too obvious it might scare the person you like off. How to walk the tightrope of being subtle but letting the other person know?

This is the situation I currently find myself in. There is this girl that I love and am trying my best to show her that I love her but I don’t know if she recognises this. I don’t want to start going over the top if she has already figured it out but if she is oblivious I want to do something more to show her. If only I could get inside her head for one moment to see what she is thinking.

If she has already realised what I am doing is her non response to it a sign she doesn’t like me or a sign that I should keep on trying? I just don’t know, it is all so confusing. Here is me over analysing every little detail and she may not even realise what is going on.

Online Dating

Not Rushing In

At the moment there is a girl I love with all my heart, but she doesn’t know it. I speak to her most days but I have no clue if she likes me or not. I keep thinking to myself should I just come out and say how I am feeling to her or will that scare her off?

Should I first be laying the groundwork and building up a friendship first before saying anything? I just don’t know what the best course of action is. At the moment in my head I think everyday that I don’t tell her how I feel is wasted as if she liked me we would be together and the quicker I tell her the more time I will be going out with her for.

However the flipside of that is if I do tell her and she isn’t quite in the same place I may scare her off for good whereas if I had waited she may have one day grew to like me. I think she likes me but I have no reason to be certain so I don’t know what to do?

Either way its not good as if I wait a few months and ask her out and she says yes then I will always be thinking I should have done this months ago but if I ask her and she says no I will have blown my chance forever. I would rather keep trying to make her like me and live in a world where I can think that she likes me rather than knowing she doesn’t like me. That’s just a personal thing some people may want to know right away so they can move on but this is one dream I want to hold on to for a long as I can so I think I am going to make the hard decision and wait as much as it is killing me inside.

Online Dating