Competition

It’s always the most annoying feeling when you like this beautiful girl but then you notice you have competition. If the girl is good looking there are always going to be other people that want to go her regardless of whether you can easily spot that or not. Some of your competition will be blatantly obvious to see but some won’t.

If you have competition you need to step your game up. You need to make sure they choose you and not the other person. However you need to be careful how you do this as if the girl you like doesn’t like competitive guys and she sees you competing with another guy she may choose neither of you.

The one thing you need to do is not let this make you go in to your shell. With some people if they like a girl but see competition will back away in the fear of losing out. They will start thinking they have no chance and that the girl is more likely to choose the other guy. If you want the girl you have to be brave and not look at how good the competition is but look at how good you are, what your selling points are and what makes you different.

Make sure you don’t get paranoid about competition. Some guys may talk to the girl you like but just be friends and have no interest in the girl so be careful not to treat every other man as competition. A lot of the time boys talking to girls can mean they really like them but on the flipside there are many occasions where they just ant to be friends.

Make sure that competition that brings out the best in you and not the worst. Just concentrate on yourself and your relationship with the girl. Remember competition is a good thing as it proves that the girl you like is an attractive girl and that she is worth fighting for.

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Making Excuses

When you realise you really like someone you will make up any excuse to go and see them, spend time with them or to just be in the same place that they are. Instead of just bumping in to them in the course of the week you are now actively trying to construe reasons to have to go and speak to them or spend time with them. If you are in school or wok with the person you like you will in your average day cross paths but if you like them you can’t leave anything to chance and you want to spend more time with them than you normally would in the day.

The problem comes when you start running out of reasons or your reasons start to become more far fetched as it may let your secret out of the bag as the other person may twig that you like them or will just start thinking it is weird or start asking you questions about it. It becomes really obvious in an office place when you have been working with this person for sometime but then realise you like them and then start spending more time with them so people can see a clear behavioural change.

Saying all this you may want the person you like to realise you are spending more time with them because you like them and if this is your plan then doing this is a good idea. If however you want to be a bit more discreet you have to play it cool and not go over to see them as much.

In my own personal experience I think you need a happy medium. If you hide away in your room all day then the person you like will never get the chance to get to know you or go out with you so to win the lottery you have to buy a ticket and get yourself in the game. By this I mean making sure they know who you are and know what you are like but whatever you do don’t over do it as if you do you may come across as a freak or a bit of a stalker which no girl or boy likes.


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Out of the Blue

What do you do when you get a text out of the blue from an old girlfriend? What does it mean? What do they want? All these questions were running through my head today when it happened.

Since the break up I have not seen or heard from her and that was two years ago. It was one of those how are you? Text messages. Now if I don’t reply it’s a bit mean but if I do reply it may get her hopes up that I might want to go back out with her when I really don’t. Is she still single? If I tell her I’m single will she start coming on to me.

The reason I ended it in the first place was because she was more in to me than I was of her and I always find those relationships unfair. It is too easy to lead someone on or take advantage of the situation if the other person is more in to you than you are of them but it will only end in heartbreak for the other person. If in a relationship one person is more to the other person then its not going to work, a relationship has to be about mutual feelings.

If I met her again I don’t think I would suddenly fall more in love with her than I did the first time and I wouldn’t want to get her hopes up as that would be cruel. Now I know that I am single and desperately looking for love but that doesn’t mean I am going to settle for a girl or a relationship where I know I’m just settling and not really experiencing love to the full.

So although it is very mean I think the best thing in the long run for both of us is to not text back. Even if she thinks bad of me for not texting back or if her only motive was to be friends, I don’t to run the risk.

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Date Venues

It’s not like I am in a stage at the moment with the girl I like to ask her out on a date but when I do pluck up the courage where do I suggest we go and what do I suggest we do.

The first approach is the casual approach. Inviting her out for coffee would fit in to this category or inviting her for a drink at the local pub. Nobody has to spend much money, it’s sociable and you can stay as long as you like. The problem is if you use the casual approach the girl may think I am boring or not that interested in her as I didn’t push the boat out.

The next approach is the formal approach. Nothing says you love a girl like taking them for a meal in a flash restaurant or a picnic in a nice location. The problem with this approach as the girl may think it is a bit too much too soon. Add to this it is hard to make conversation and eat at the same time.

Then you have the activity date. This is where you think of something you can both go and do. This is good for showing your spontaneous and adventurous side. However this is fraught with problems as if you pick an activity that she doesn’t like or if you pick an activity which gives little time for talking to each other then it might not go down well.

The first date sets the tone for a relationship so you have to get it right, do you play safe or do you take a risk. My advice would be to do your research, find out what she likes and doesn’t like but then be prepared to take a risk as that is what love is all about.

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Striking up Conversation

I always find this the hardest thing to do when I like a girl. If I don’t like a girl I could chat to them until the cows come home but as soon as I like them its like my brain switches off.

Normally the girls I like I would have no reason in my day to talk to them which makes things even harder. If you don’t normally speak to someone or appear to have no reason to speak to a certain person then striking up a conversation with them is going to be very awkward.

Its datings version of cold calling. You don’t know what their interests are, you don’t know what they do, you may not even know their name and they might not know yours. To add to this you will have built this moment up in your head for so long that you are over complicating things and making yourself nervous to the point that you have probably been trying for day to go up to talk to her but chickened out at last minute.

If you are a pro you would have done your research on the girl so you have something to talk to them about but you have to be careful as if you seem to know too much about them for no reason they may get freaked out.

Remember with striking up a conversation timing is everything. You want to make a good first impression so try and choose a time and situation where the person has time to talk to you as there is nothing worse than someone bothering you when you are busy or you are in a rush.

Just remember every conversation starts with one simple word - Hello. After that you are on your own I’m afraid but remember to be yourself and to try and grab their attention if you can do that you are on the right track.

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The Friendship Zone

I have been in this zone so many times in my life and it is the worst place to be. This is when you really like a girl and have spent a lot of time getting to know her without making your intentions clear so she just views as a friend and would never consider anything more.

This is such a frustrating place to be because once you are in it, it is very hard to get out. The only reason you put the effort in was because you wanted to go out with them not because you wanted to be their friend. Once you are in this zone you are stuck as you don’t want to be seen as the bad guy and break off the friendship but being friends with them just make it even harder to deal with as you know you will never be going out with them.

I hate that soul destroying moment when you ask a girl out and they say they just want to be friends. Do they really want to be friends? Are they just saying that as a nice way of saying no?

So a word of warning if you are trying to win a girl over try and make your intentions clear without being obvious and don’t spend forever developing the friendship without asking the question. The longer you drag out the friendship building phase the more problems that can happen. If you do this the girl may think that you are not interested in them and do really just want to be friends or they may find someone else as you have taken so long getting your act together.

There may be some rare occasions where people have managed to successfully break the friendship zone and change somones mind but I think these are few and far between.


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Having a Type

When you are trying to matchmake for a single friend a normal question that will come up is what is your type? Or if you are out with a bunch of other single guys the topic of conversation may come on to it. Myself personally I have never known how to answer this question.

I once tried to have a think to myself and work out if I did have a type and I couldn’t work it out as there are lots of different looks that like. I then wondered if anybody does truly have a type? I know some of my friends have been out with similar girls but I think having a type if you do have a type is so limiting.

My previous girlfriends have been a mixed batch of looks and personalities. I don’t think there is any one type of look or personality that I am drawn to. If you are only ever looking for one type of girl you are going to miss a lot of lovely people who could have been the one.

I now try not to think about types and just let my heart decide. Over the year my heart has picked out an eclectic mix of girls and if I had have had a type I wouldn’t have ever been blessed with the memories I have. I for one don’t want to ever miss the girl who could be the one.

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