Striking up Conversation

I always find this the hardest thing to do when I like a girl. If I don’t like a girl I could chat to them until the cows come home but as soon as I like them its like my brain switches off.

Normally the girls I like I would have no reason in my day to talk to them which makes things even harder. If you don’t normally speak to someone or appear to have no reason to speak to a certain person then striking up a conversation with them is going to be very awkward.

Its datings version of cold calling. You don’t know what their interests are, you don’t know what they do, you may not even know their name and they might not know yours. To add to this you will have built this moment up in your head for so long that you are over complicating things and making yourself nervous to the point that you have probably been trying for day to go up to talk to her but chickened out at last minute.

If you are a pro you would have done your research on the girl so you have something to talk to them about but you have to be careful as if you seem to know too much about them for no reason they may get freaked out.

Remember with striking up a conversation timing is everything. You want to make a good first impression so try and choose a time and situation where the person has time to talk to you as there is nothing worse than someone bothering you when you are busy or you are in a rush.

Just remember every conversation starts with one simple word - Hello. After that you are on your own I’m afraid but remember to be yourself and to try and grab their attention if you can do that you are on the right track.

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Telling your friends

When you love someone you sometimes have the compulsion to tell your friends or you will be the opposite and not want to tell a soul. Doing either can be good or bad for different reasons.

If you tell a friend they are going to give you all kinds of advice and make all sorts of comments. The friend could make you believe that the person loves you when they may not or they might convince that they don’t love you when they do. When you are speaking to a friend you are inclined to believe what they say so if what they are saying isn’t true it can really mess with your head.

When you are in love with someone it is good to get an outsiders opinion as when you are in love someone you don’t always think clearly. So telling no one is not always the best way forward especially if you are in need of advice or are going about things in the wrong way.

If you do ask for advice take it on board but think before you do anything about the advice. Try not to tell too many people or you will be even more confused and conflicted as different people may try to give you completely different advice.

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Love has strange timing

I have noticed in my life that I have found love or fallen in love with someone at times where I wasn’t looking for it, wasn’t ready for it or at times where it should have been the last thing on my mind. That’s the thing with love it rarely comes at the perfect time for you.

Sometimes I feel like the kid off the Love Actually film. Where he is in such a sad place in his life but falls in love with the new girl at school. He knows he is sad and should be sad for the situation around him but can’t help but be infatuated with the girl at school. Regardless of how dark or sad your life may be you can’t control how your heart feels. If you do fall in love with someone whilst you are in this situation you shouldn’t feel bad about it and try and push the feelings away, you should embrace those feelings. Falling in love isn’t a bad thing and you can still be upset and feel for a sad situation around you whilst also being in love with someone, it doesn’t make you a bad person.

Never consume your life with waiting for or searching for love but always be ready for it when it comes. Just because things may be bad in life don’t make yourself unavailable or close yourself off from others who may love you or people that you love. Sometimes the best relationships and the best partners come along when you least expect it.

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Being the only single person in your social circle

Why is it when you get to your mid/late twenties all your friends have a girlfriend, fiancé, partner or wife? When you meet up with your close circle of friends this fact is drummed home as you feel like a spare wheel and a bit inferior as you aren’t with anyone. Now I helped match make for most of my friends so I have only got myself to blame really but having spent so much time matchmaking for other people I forgot about myself until I realised there was no one left for me.

Why is it that other people find it easier to meet women and talk to women than me? When your weekly routine consists of getting up, going to work, then going off to do charity work and doing some work on the side to afford the mortgage before getting in late to go to bed to do it all over again how do you meet people? All the social things you do revolve around your social circle who normally just want to go to someone’s house or do something where meeting people isn’t the priority so meeting someone comes near on impossible. Then if you do go and do something where you can meet people like going to a pub you have no wingman or singleton in the group of your friends who may be going to meet someone so it feels too awkward for you to try and meet someone so you just end up staying with your group of friends. There is nothing worse than trying to chat up a girl when your friends are in earshot as just knowing that makes you all self conscious and if they are like my mates they will try and embarrass you either intentionally or unintentionally so trying to meet someone when your friends are around is not an option.

You then have the bright spark of asking your male friends other halves if they have single friends but you are never in a one on one situation with them where you feel comfortable doing that so you just chicken out. If you do get the courage to take this step you are then admitting to that person that you can’t find a girl yourself and they then may tell their partner (your friend) about it so it becomes social suicide. If they do keep it in confidence and do have a single friend you then have to play the lottery of what you could be set up with. When you get to your late twenties for many people there is normally a reason why they are single but as the saying goes beggars can’t be choosers. On top of this if the blind date thing doesn’t work out whenever you see your friend and her partner they are going to be asking about it and how it went.

If you are starting to feel like a third wheel at social gatherings you may then start to shy away from going out with your friends to avoid that feeling so now not only are you feeling down that your single but it is affecting you having fun with your friends.

Why is there no place for men in their mid twenties to meet women which doesn’t involve a bar or a nightclub. For those of us that actually want to get to know someone first and to do so without having ten pints of alcohol where is there? Answers on a postcard please.

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