Out of the Blue

What do you do when you get a text out of the blue from an old girlfriend? What does it mean? What do they want? All these questions were running through my head today when it happened.

Since the break up I have not seen or heard from her and that was two years ago. It was one of those how are you? Text messages. Now if I don’t reply it’s a bit mean but if I do reply it may get her hopes up that I might want to go back out with her when I really don’t. Is she still single? If I tell her I’m single will she start coming on to me.

The reason I ended it in the first place was because she was more in to me than I was of her and I always find those relationships unfair. It is too easy to lead someone on or take advantage of the situation if the other person is more in to you than you are of them but it will only end in heartbreak for the other person. If in a relationship one person is more to the other person then its not going to work, a relationship has to be about mutual feelings.

If I met her again I don’t think I would suddenly fall more in love with her than I did the first time and I wouldn’t want to get her hopes up as that would be cruel. Now I know that I am single and desperately looking for love but that doesn’t mean I am going to settle for a girl or a relationship where I know I’m just settling and not really experiencing love to the full.

So although it is very mean I think the best thing in the long run for both of us is to not text back. Even if she thinks bad of me for not texting back or if her only motive was to be friends, I don’t to run the risk.

Online Dating

The Friendship Zone

I have been in this zone so many times in my life and it is the worst place to be. This is when you really like a girl and have spent a lot of time getting to know her without making your intentions clear so she just views as a friend and would never consider anything more.

This is such a frustrating place to be because once you are in it, it is very hard to get out. The only reason you put the effort in was because you wanted to go out with them not because you wanted to be their friend. Once you are in this zone you are stuck as you don’t want to be seen as the bad guy and break off the friendship but being friends with them just make it even harder to deal with as you know you will never be going out with them.

I hate that soul destroying moment when you ask a girl out and they say they just want to be friends. Do they really want to be friends? Are they just saying that as a nice way of saying no?

So a word of warning if you are trying to win a girl over try and make your intentions clear without being obvious and don’t spend forever developing the friendship without asking the question. The longer you drag out the friendship building phase the more problems that can happen. If you do this the girl may think that you are not interested in them and do really just want to be friends or they may find someone else as you have taken so long getting your act together.

There may be some rare occasions where people have managed to successfully break the friendship zone and change somones mind but I think these are few and far between.


Online Dating

Giving off the Signals

I have blogged about reading the signals but to me right now what is important is giving off the signals. How do you show someone you are interested in them without having to spell out that you love them?

Just because you think you are being obvious in the ways that you are trying to give off the signals the other person may be oblivious to them. If you go the other way and you are too obvious it might scare the person you like off. How to walk the tightrope of being subtle but letting the other person know?

This is the situation I currently find myself in. There is this girl that I love and am trying my best to show her that I love her but I don’t know if she recognises this. I don’t want to start going over the top if she has already figured it out but if she is oblivious I want to do something more to show her. If only I could get inside her head for one moment to see what she is thinking.

If she has already realised what I am doing is her non response to it a sign she doesn’t like me or a sign that I should keep on trying? I just don’t know, it is all so confusing. Here is me over analysing every little detail and she may not even realise what is going on.

Online Dating

Reading the Signs

One of the hardest things to do is to read the signs that someone may be in to you or not. This can be especially hard if you really like the person as your love for them can easily cloud your judgement. If this is the case you may read too much in to things or see things that aren’t actually there.

There are so many books and internet sites on reading the signs that someone of the opposite sex may be interested in you but it my experience I don’t think any of them actually help you. What some people think is being flirty may just be someone trying to be friendly and vice versa. Not everyone is the same!

I think boys in general are terrible at thinking a girl is interested in them when they actually aren’t and opposite side I think girls sometimes read too much in to what a boy does.

You get two breeds of people when it comes to flirting. One breed are people that like attention and flirt with members of the opposite sex without actually liking them. The other is the breed that people think are flirting when they aren’t intending to and would be mortified if anybody thought that they were.

I think it is very easy to get carried away trying to read the signs that someone is interested in you. The best piece of advice is to not rush in when you think someone is giving you the signs but to actually hold fire and see if anything else happens or if that isn’t happening to talk to the person. I think you can work out a lot more from conversation than you can trying to guess the signs that someone is in to you.

Online Dating