Telling your friends

When you love someone you sometimes have the compulsion to tell your friends or you will be the opposite and not want to tell a soul. Doing either can be good or bad for different reasons.

If you tell a friend they are going to give you all kinds of advice and make all sorts of comments. The friend could make you believe that the person loves you when they may not or they might convince that they don’t love you when they do. When you are speaking to a friend you are inclined to believe what they say so if what they are saying isn’t true it can really mess with your head.

When you are in love with someone it is good to get an outsiders opinion as when you are in love someone you don’t always think clearly. So telling no one is not always the best way forward especially if you are in need of advice or are going about things in the wrong way.

If you do ask for advice take it on board but think before you do anything about the advice. Try not to tell too many people or you will be even more confused and conflicted as different people may try to give you completely different advice.

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Giving off the Signals

I have blogged about reading the signals but to me right now what is important is giving off the signals. How do you show someone you are interested in them without having to spell out that you love them?

Just because you think you are being obvious in the ways that you are trying to give off the signals the other person may be oblivious to them. If you go the other way and you are too obvious it might scare the person you like off. How to walk the tightrope of being subtle but letting the other person know?

This is the situation I currently find myself in. There is this girl that I love and am trying my best to show her that I love her but I don’t know if she recognises this. I don’t want to start going over the top if she has already figured it out but if she is oblivious I want to do something more to show her. If only I could get inside her head for one moment to see what she is thinking.

If she has already realised what I am doing is her non response to it a sign she doesn’t like me or a sign that I should keep on trying? I just don’t know, it is all so confusing. Here is me over analysing every little detail and she may not even realise what is going on.

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Not Rushing In

At the moment there is a girl I love with all my heart, but she doesn’t know it. I speak to her most days but I have no clue if she likes me or not. I keep thinking to myself should I just come out and say how I am feeling to her or will that scare her off?

Should I first be laying the groundwork and building up a friendship first before saying anything? I just don’t know what the best course of action is. At the moment in my head I think everyday that I don’t tell her how I feel is wasted as if she liked me we would be together and the quicker I tell her the more time I will be going out with her for.

However the flipside of that is if I do tell her and she isn’t quite in the same place I may scare her off for good whereas if I had waited she may have one day grew to like me. I think she likes me but I have no reason to be certain so I don’t know what to do?

Either way its not good as if I wait a few months and ask her out and she says yes then I will always be thinking I should have done this months ago but if I ask her and she says no I will have blown my chance forever. I would rather keep trying to make her like me and live in a world where I can think that she likes me rather than knowing she doesn’t like me. That’s just a personal thing some people may want to know right away so they can move on but this is one dream I want to hold on to for a long as I can so I think I am going to make the hard decision and wait as much as it is killing me inside.

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Trying not to be too obvious

One of the biggest problems I find when I am attracted to somebody is trying not to be too obvious. If you want someone to go out with you, you have to show them at you are interested but it is a fine line between that and being too obvious which can make a girl run a million miles.

If you want a relationship with someone you need to do the ground work and build their trust as a friend first which you won’t be able to do if you come across as too obviously in love with them.

The other problem comes is if you are trying to build a relationship with someone at school or at work then the people around you like your friends will be able to spot it and may start teasing you about it or making things very difficult. Trying to chat a girl up is hard enough without your friends making things harder. The other problem comes is when people tell the girl you are interested in that you love them then it may destroy that friendship you have been building.

Like I said earlier though it’s a fine line as if you don’t show the girl you are interested in them then you may spend ages before asking them out or the girl may think that you just wan to be friends.

The worst case scenario is when the girl finds out you are interested in them but they aren’t interested in you and it’s either a work colleague or a schoolmate. As after this has happened you may try to avoid them at all costs, the relationship between you may get weird or you had to do a bit of self preservation and just laugh it off saying that you weren’t in to them and that people were just making it up which will hurt on the inside.

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Being Obsessed

When you fall in love with someone it is very hard not to be obsessed with them. You spend every waking moment thinking of them and when you fall asleep you dream about them.

The problem is when obsession starts to cross over in to stalker behaviour. This is when you work out their daily routine and make sure your paths cross. When you have a photo of them saved as your desktop wallpaper or when their facebook profile page is your homepage.

It’s hard when you first fall in love with someone not to go a little crazy but you have to keep yourself in check as this behaviour is not healthy. What you need to remember is that you are in love with the person you see but until you get to know them you can’t get carried away.

Just because you like what you see the person maybe a completely different person behind closed doors and they may just act differently when they are at work or at school. The person you are in love with may have a partner so this is something you need to find out right away. When you get to know the person your personalities might not match and so on and so on.

If you are in love with them and you know they are in love with you then be obsessed but until then deep breaths and take things slowly ok.

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Reading the Signs

One of the hardest things to do is to read the signs that someone may be in to you or not. This can be especially hard if you really like the person as your love for them can easily cloud your judgement. If this is the case you may read too much in to things or see things that aren’t actually there.

There are so many books and internet sites on reading the signs that someone of the opposite sex may be interested in you but it my experience I don’t think any of them actually help you. What some people think is being flirty may just be someone trying to be friendly and vice versa. Not everyone is the same!

I think boys in general are terrible at thinking a girl is interested in them when they actually aren’t and opposite side I think girls sometimes read too much in to what a boy does.

You get two breeds of people when it comes to flirting. One breed are people that like attention and flirt with members of the opposite sex without actually liking them. The other is the breed that people think are flirting when they aren’t intending to and would be mortified if anybody thought that they were.

I think it is very easy to get carried away trying to read the signs that someone is interested in you. The best piece of advice is to not rush in when you think someone is giving you the signs but to actually hold fire and see if anything else happens or if that isn’t happening to talk to the person. I think you can work out a lot more from conversation than you can trying to guess the signs that someone is in to you.

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Love has strange timing

I have noticed in my life that I have found love or fallen in love with someone at times where I wasn’t looking for it, wasn’t ready for it or at times where it should have been the last thing on my mind. That’s the thing with love it rarely comes at the perfect time for you.

Sometimes I feel like the kid off the Love Actually film. Where he is in such a sad place in his life but falls in love with the new girl at school. He knows he is sad and should be sad for the situation around him but can’t help but be infatuated with the girl at school. Regardless of how dark or sad your life may be you can’t control how your heart feels. If you do fall in love with someone whilst you are in this situation you shouldn’t feel bad about it and try and push the feelings away, you should embrace those feelings. Falling in love isn’t a bad thing and you can still be upset and feel for a sad situation around you whilst also being in love with someone, it doesn’t make you a bad person.

Never consume your life with waiting for or searching for love but always be ready for it when it comes. Just because things may be bad in life don’t make yourself unavailable or close yourself off from others who may love you or people that you love. Sometimes the best relationships and the best partners come along when you least expect it.

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